Astrid on John

Astrid is opting to post at my other site. Her Obot-o-scope is here - and today she answers an important question from a reader! Click it!

Astrid's Mail Bag

By Astrid Passionfroot.

Hello my little passionfroots. I hope all your inner children are well behaved and in touch with their inner children today. All our inner children have inner children. Did you know that? Even our beloved leader Barack Obama has many onion layers of enlightenment. Each pungent and capable of producing tears. Barack is a tall babushka doll. Each of his inner children is more in tune with the universe than the one enclosing it. Barack is a multi-verse of universes flowing into the one mega-ultra universal mall of oneness.

The more we understand this about our enlightened leader the more we come to see the teeny tiny greatness wrapped in his gangly, handsome-ish babushka shell.

This understanding helps us to help our doubting fellow travellers who need help. On that note, last week I received this letter from a concerned Obot.

Dear Astrid-

I sometimes get sad and think I may have been duped into voting for Obama. My friends all told me how cool he was and I thought he looked cool too. But I am so confused now. Doesn't cool mean the same thing as ready to do the job? If so, why am I still waiting for him to do all those things he promised? Is it some secret plan like my friends tell me? Does he secretly have everything under control? Should I really be worried or should I have my friend from the tattoo shop clean my aura again?

Fretful Obot


Dear Fretful,

Why of course you were duped. Feel no shame about this. For we, the little ones, must be lead by the Great One who has come to grow our self esteem. HE is our manure. Sometimes it is hard to understand this and we get wee weeed about trivia, like heath care and war and other marginalia. But remember it is only in gazing upon the many layers of Barack that one can understand the nothingness that is HIM. In this nothingness is our liberation. Remember your salvation lies. Lie with it.

I sense you are less advanced than your friends. They should abandon you and call you names. This is our way. Alinsky the baptist did show us this way.

You probably work a job for a living and live in a trailer park. That is the aura that emanates from your email which you probably sent from the library because you hocked your PC for hooch. If you can manage to get into a county run treatment center for 30 days perhaps you won't ask such stupid questions.

All questions about Barack are stupid. HE is the center and light of this plane of existence. Therefore it is dumb to inquire after his plans for us. His plans are a mystery wrapped in an enema that we must use to flush out any doubt. His mysteries are like midnight fog, or the second season of Heroes. They come upon us suddenly and leave us baffled and a little moist.

The answers will come for all Barry's children who wait. But you must stop asking. You must numb your mind.

As for your aura, I suggest you clean it with a honey and lemon juice purge which you can purchase from me for $59.99 plus shipping and handling.

Yours in Barry,

Astrid

Obot-o-Scope for August 21, 2009

By Astrid Passionfroot.


August 21, 2009

Life feels complicated today because the Pelosi Moon is fading into the house of Obama as it passes through an asteroid storm of white dwarfs, black holes, and blue dogs. Stress arises when our need to be mindlessly in love with the Barack star triangle of Hope, Change, and Hopeychangyhope - differs from reality yet again. Best to stay at home, sit in a dimly lit room and stare at a photo of Him chanting "Yes, We Can!" until the storm passes.



Tonight: Cash for Clunkers Party time! Get your Biden on! Happy hour with friends, then smash up your cars for fun. (Remember to wear a seatbelt!) On Monday trade the newly minted "clunkers" in for new cars before the 6 pm deadline! Have fun!

Obot-o-Scope for June 6, 2009

By Astrid Passionfroot


The social climbing Michelle-O-Moon enables us to get along with nearly everyone today because aggressive trines from Neptune, Jupiter, and Nike are thwarted with Pontiac and Chrysler in retrograde. This can help us, as Barry's people, to set aside our needs so we can take care of others - but first we must shop for $500 dollar sneakers and the like. It is a good day to hit the mall!

Tonight: The Galaxy's complete orbit of the Obama apex is reached at 6:34 EDT when it enters the House of romantic Venus and assertive Mars , becomes intensely Bi-curious, and has a three way until 8:59 EDT when it slinks away in self loathing shame. Around 9:00pm you will probably believe that a pint of Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey and Golden Girl reruns on Lifetime are the only thing between you and abject misery.

You are correct.


Heads up from Astrid!: The Obama star charts indicate that from June 15 to July 1, we are no longer the ones we've been waiting for. Instead, during those days all Barry's people East of the Mississippi are to wait at Blockbuster for Mummenschanz - The Declining Years on Blue Ray and DVD. Those in the West should wait for their doppelgangers to arrive at the nearest Greyhound station.

Please return to waiting for yourself to arrive on July 2nd at 5:42 AM.

Obot-o-Scope for May 25,2009

By Astrid Passionfroot

The Obama Moon breezes into the expanding and contracting Oprah galaxy lifting our spirits off the earthly plane and into the realm of perfect communion with our inner child. Who, it turns out, is a goth teenager who feigns perpetual ennui but secretly twitters about My Super Sweet 16.

You ask yourself: Is this the me I have been waiting for? No, Obama Child. Wait a little longer. When you hear the knocking of the you you have been waiting for there will be no doubt. For the you you have been waiting for smells like fresh orange peels and looks like David Duchovny in Season One of the X- files - all rumpled and sexy with that no one gets it but me look that makes you wanna slap him and bed him all at once.

He will come to the door, smile, and say quietly "The call is coming from inside the house.", cackle and leave. Then, Obama Child you will know it is time...to get to work on Barack's reelection!!!!

Tonight: Hold a family meeting about what you can do now to further Barack's agenda around the house. Perhaps apply Alinsky organizing techniques to your kitchen junk drawer??

Obot-o-Scope for May 22,2009 - and Astrid's Mail Bag

By Astrid Passionfroot,

The fiery Aries/Obama Moon is totally fiery and hot and inflamed today. It joins energetic Mars and the milky Milky Way to align our hyper love for Obama with our sugary feelings of being in his presence. By midday, you may find you've left the kids with the nanny and - suddenly - you're driving to a community you've never seen before and are spontaneously organizing it! Don't let the fact that the residents say they are quite happy and don't need you around stop your important work. Get in their faces! Stir up feelings of victimization! Remember planting the seeds of entitlement and resentment now helps grow the leaders of the future.

Tonight: Mercury, Venus, Pluto and Uranus form a "K" "Y" in the House of Astro and glide into a four way. Relax and go with it. You may wake up a bit sore - but also oddly satisfied.





From the Obot-O-Scope Mail bag


Dear Astrid,

After President Obama finishes being President for Life do you think he'll have a second career in Hollywood?

Very Yours Truly,
Scarlett Johansson


Dear Scarlett,

Funny you should ask. Many of those closest to Obama are already spreading their wings in Tinsletown. Joe Biden has sold 2 screenplays this month: The Taking of Valium 123 and a remake of Francis the Talking Mule based on his personal diary.

The Hollywood rumor mill is also a titter with news that Barney Frank will sing and twirl the baton on this summer's America's Got Talent. All ready slimmed down enough to fit into his favorite Wonder Woman costume - a gift from the J. Edgar Hoover estate - expect to see Frank strutting his stuff on the Left coast during the August Congressional recess.

As for now our Barack will stick to being fabulous in D.C. Hollywood will have to get by with the lesser talents of people like Meryl Streep, Robert Duvall, and James Earl Jones.

Obot-o-Scope for May 20,2009 - and Astrid's Mail Bag

By Astrid Passionfroot,

For we, the Chosen Ones for Obama, everyday is full of Hope and Change. Today you may also find yourself feeling existential despair, complete revulsion at our President's embrace of Cheney's Torture Policy, a general sense of ennui mixed with occasional dashes of free floating horror, and the impulse to strip, pull at your hair, and run screaming down the street naked because you just realized you've been totally buffaloed by a George Soros concocted, MSM midwifed fraud.

Fear not people of Obama! All you need to do is limit your interaction with those you are not supporters of the one true genius, Barack Obama. Avoid these racists and everything will be back to normal quickly.


A letter from the Obot-o -Scope Mailbag:


Dear Astrid,

In August I will be opening an Obama merchandise store here in Santa Monica called The O'Bottery Barn. Astrologically, what is the best day for the Grand Opening?

Thanks,

Jiggy Pop
Santa Monica, CA



Dear Jiggy,

There really isn't a good day in August, except the 12th when the Obama moon wanes and enters the House of the Rising Solar Deficits. I'd go with the 12th. Even here the danger is high for an unfortunate accident especially with certain items I see on your website. In particular the Barack Wok, Obama Balm with foaming, blinding analgesic, the Napolitano Neapolitan Frozen Pudding Pops, and the Joe Biden Vibrating, Talking Shower Head. All come up as potential threats to consumers throughout August.

The star chart around the Biden Talking Shower Head is especially risky. It indicates that people who take long showers while the Biden face on the nozzle is speaking show an increased risk of performing ritual suicide in a public park within 48 hours.

If possible I'd push your grand opening back to September. After Labor Day Pluto returns from Retrograde and Mars enters Rehab, rendering the Biden Talking Shower Head essentially harmless - except for the occasional unnoticed mini stroke.

Best of Luck, though! Barry Be With You!

Astrid.

Obot-o-Scope for May 18,2009

By Astrid Passionfroot.

Since the intuitive Obama Comet is transiting through the upper house of Saturn's lower quadrant, with Taurus rising simultaneously past Mercury - you may suddenly feel the need to buy a mediocre American car. Don't worry, this impulse shall pass shortly. Take a moment to appreciate your Volvo and remember all you've been through together: the Dean campaign house parties, the flea markets in Big Sur, the day-long drives to anti-war marches. (No blood for oil!)

Also, you find yourself wondering if the Lord's recent flip flops should cause concern. Remember, Obots, it is not a flip flop if Obama does it. It's an evolution. He knows best.

Tonight: It is a good night to get out of the house. Recreate the Lord's recent outing to be with the common folk. Dress up like The Lord or Biden and take the kids out for a hamburger! On the way over you can recount to them the many travails the Lord went through "back in the day" when he had to spend all his free time writing about himself.

Answer to an Obot-o-Scope reader,

Dear Tripp in Covina, President of "Office Managers for Obama":

There have been many reports of mysterious appearances of Barack's image of late including on screen doors, potato chips, my neighbor's wife's sister-in-law's diaphragm, and undercooked Lean Pockets.

But, I'm afraid the image of the President you claim to see everyday in your 5 o'clock shadow is more likely from a leaky toner cartridge.

Peace,
Astrid.

Obot-o-Scope for May 16,2009

By Astrid Passionfroot,

We, the Obama people, know we are the future and together we can do anything! Yes we can! But today, with Venus transiting past Pluto before getting a transfer to Yonkers midday, many of us will feel the need to stand out from the crowd. Go for it! When a decision arises today, instead of wondering to yourself 'What would Barrack do?' ...try something bold! Ask the question out loud! Right there at Whole Foods! For anyone to hear! Instead of shaping the kids' breakfast pancakes to look like Barrack again - try making Michelle pancakes for the family. Or Bo pancakes! Be creative. Barrack wants you to be who you are! Remember: You are the one you've been hoping to wait for the change to arrive for!

Tonight: Kick it with some friends. With mercury in retrograde and Jupiter in Stalingrad, it is a good night to stay in and play board games. Perhaps Obama-opoly. The newest version has a money printing machine!

Obot-o-Scope for May 15,2009

New L.R. Feature - the Obot-o-Scope. Quick answers and up to the minute solutions for the Obot on the go!

May 15, 2009

You might feel a bit spacey today, then again, you feel spacey every day. Today's acute dizziness is connected to the Lord's recent decisions that mirror and reinforce The Evil Bush's policies. Should you question Lord Obama or , as usual when things like military tribunals come up, should you get naked, touch yourself while thinking about Barrack and move on with your day??? Move on. Don't let the flips flops get you down! The Lord Obama moves in mysterious ways. Enjoy your Obama "touch yourself" session and know HE is with you!

Tonight- Remember too much reality can lead to severe cramps. Avoid any place with bright lights, and people reading books. Stick close to Obots you know. It's a good night to order dinner in with friends, catch up on Countdown, and watch "The Secret" for the 54th time! Yes you can!