Astrid explains: How to spot a Hater.

cross posted with johnwsmart.com

Astrid asked to post something tonight. Since L.R. is an open forum I happily agreed.


Astrid explains: How to spot a Hater.
By Astrid Passionfroot.

I am sorry to have to write this post. But certain things have come to my attention and I feel it is my duty to speak up on matters concerning us all and the welfare of the universe. My words are blunt as we may be entering a difficult energy field. My astrological charts indicate that earth is converging into retrograde with the lunar trapezoid of Venus rising in the house of orbiting Neptune on the solar reef of cosmic ring nodes. We all know what THAT means!!! Trouble is brewing!

For example: A friend told my recently that my love for our Barack was misguided. He said I was like a Japanese soldier living in a cave that did not know the war was over. This boggled my mind. Why would a solider from the peaceful land of Japan be at war? Plus, I don't live in a cave. Plus, I'm from Marin County and I live in communion with nature. In a condo.

I knew my friend had become a "hater". So I had to take action! The haters are back! Just as the charts indicated! So I must help fight them any way I can! I said to myself "Astrid, yes I can write a post!" So...this is:

"How to spot a hater! and fight back!

As our Barack moves into his second glorious year as our leader it's important for all of us to stand on guard against the resurgence of the haters. Let's review so we can spot the haters in our neighborhoods, communities and families.

What is a hater?

1. A hater is anyone who questions our most exceptional President in any way - politically, personally or most exspecially: Spiritually.

2. If they are white, haters are racialists no matter what. But if they are persons of color they are just misguided and oppressed. Unless they are conservatives, then they are haters.

3. Women who are haters can also be known as "bitches" or "mothers-in-law" or "whores". It is okay to use these words for clarity and ease.

4. Haters are stupider than normal, Obama people. Haters ask questions like "Is this health care reform a good idea?" How stupid is that? Or "Why are banks getting so much bailout money?" Totally stupid.

5. Haters have secret hater meetings in basements and also different places, like Kmart parking lots and Denny's. At the meetings they offer burnt offerings, which they burn. With fire.

6. When our Barack is on TV, haters watch sports instead.

7. Haters try to pass in everyday life. They dress normal but underneath they have on secret underwear, which is not clean, and contains hand stitched pictures of Sean Hannity.

8. Haters smell like bacon.

9. Haters do not blame everything on George W Bush. This is a dead giveaway since we all know everything is Bush's fault. Some even insist that our Barack is "Bush 3". That is most stupid!!! Our Barack is not from Texas and doesn't live on a ranch. How can they be alike?

10. Haters don't watch Keith Olbermann or Rachel Maddow. And they don't even want to.

11. Haters never go on retreats.

12. Haters don't think Barack should have gotten the Nobel Peace Prize. (That's just crazy talk!) And they don't like cap and trade. I trust Obama so much that I can say I don't really know what cap and trade is but I know it's very excellent. And might have to do with hats. Which are very important. Everyone needs one good hat!

13. Also Haters say big words to try and confuse people. Like "flip-flop" and "gay rights". Don't be fooled! Barack loves the gays. He talks to them. And agrees they should have nice things. I have some gays in my condo complex. Bruce and Gary. I tell them Obama is coming to save them from their empty lives full of racisms and Restoration Hardware debt servitude. Once I even had them over for a snack.

These are my pointers. If you know or see a Hater please report it to the White house web site: Rahmisgoingtotakeyouawayinthenight.gov.

It is sad to report that I've heard reports that some former people of Obama's light have become haters. The pull of the haters is strong and pungent, like a nice old lady who makes cookies or yoga gas. I hope this helps to spot those who want to stop the marvelous progress we've made in 2009. The glorious time of renewal and transformation with Our Barack can only continue if we are vigilant against the haters! Beware!

And always remember Barack Obama came to save us...from the haters! Let's stand firm and do whatever Barack says! Just like it's 2008 all over again!

Astrid on John

Astrid is opting to post at my other site. Her Obot-o-scope is here - and today she answers an important question from a reader! Click it!

Astrid's Mail Bag

By Astrid Passionfroot.

Hello my little passionfroots. I hope all your inner children are well behaved and in touch with their inner children today. All our inner children have inner children. Did you know that? Even our beloved leader Barack Obama has many onion layers of enlightenment. Each pungent and capable of producing tears. Barack is a tall babushka doll. Each of his inner children is more in tune with the universe than the one enclosing it. Barack is a multi-verse of universes flowing into the one mega-ultra universal mall of oneness.

The more we understand this about our enlightened leader the more we come to see the teeny tiny greatness wrapped in his gangly, handsome-ish babushka shell.

This understanding helps us to help our doubting fellow travellers who need help. On that note, last week I received this letter from a concerned Obot.

Dear Astrid-

I sometimes get sad and think I may have been duped into voting for Obama. My friends all told me how cool he was and I thought he looked cool too. But I am so confused now. Doesn't cool mean the same thing as ready to do the job? If so, why am I still waiting for him to do all those things he promised? Is it some secret plan like my friends tell me? Does he secretly have everything under control? Should I really be worried or should I have my friend from the tattoo shop clean my aura again?

Fretful Obot


Dear Fretful,

Why of course you were duped. Feel no shame about this. For we, the little ones, must be lead by the Great One who has come to grow our self esteem. HE is our manure. Sometimes it is hard to understand this and we get wee weeed about trivia, like heath care and war and other marginalia. But remember it is only in gazing upon the many layers of Barack that one can understand the nothingness that is HIM. In this nothingness is our liberation. Remember your salvation lies. Lie with it.

I sense you are less advanced than your friends. They should abandon you and call you names. This is our way. Alinsky the baptist did show us this way.

You probably work a job for a living and live in a trailer park. That is the aura that emanates from your email which you probably sent from the library because you hocked your PC for hooch. If you can manage to get into a county run treatment center for 30 days perhaps you won't ask such stupid questions.

All questions about Barack are stupid. HE is the center and light of this plane of existence. Therefore it is dumb to inquire after his plans for us. His plans are a mystery wrapped in an enema that we must use to flush out any doubt. His mysteries are like midnight fog, or the second season of Heroes. They come upon us suddenly and leave us baffled and a little moist.

The answers will come for all Barry's children who wait. But you must stop asking. You must numb your mind.

As for your aura, I suggest you clean it with a honey and lemon juice purge which you can purchase from me for $59.99 plus shipping and handling.

Yours in Barry,

Astrid

Obot-o-Scope for August 21, 2009

By Astrid Passionfroot.


August 21, 2009

Life feels complicated today because the Pelosi Moon is fading into the house of Obama as it passes through an asteroid storm of white dwarfs, black holes, and blue dogs. Stress arises when our need to be mindlessly in love with the Barack star triangle of Hope, Change, and Hopeychangyhope - differs from reality yet again. Best to stay at home, sit in a dimly lit room and stare at a photo of Him chanting "Yes, We Can!" until the storm passes.



Tonight: Cash for Clunkers Party time! Get your Biden on! Happy hour with friends, then smash up your cars for fun. (Remember to wear a seatbelt!) On Monday trade the newly minted "clunkers" in for new cars before the 6 pm deadline! Have fun!

Obot-o-Scope for May 25,2009

By Astrid Passionfroot

The Obama Moon breezes into the expanding and contracting Oprah galaxy lifting our spirits off the earthly plane and into the realm of perfect communion with our inner child. Who, it turns out, is a goth teenager who feigns perpetual ennui but secretly twitters about My Super Sweet 16.

You ask yourself: Is this the me I have been waiting for? No, Obama Child. Wait a little longer. When you hear the knocking of the you you have been waiting for there will be no doubt. For the you you have been waiting for smells like fresh orange peels and looks like David Duchovny in Season One of the X- files - all rumpled and sexy with that no one gets it but me look that makes you wanna slap him and bed him all at once.

He will come to the door, smile, and say quietly "The call is coming from inside the house.", cackle and leave. Then, Obama Child you will know it is time...to get to work on Barack's reelection!!!!

Tonight: Hold a family meeting about what you can do now to further Barack's agenda around the house. Perhaps apply Alinsky organizing techniques to your kitchen junk drawer??

Astrid's Mail Bag

Lakers soon. Tonight's post comes from Astrid Passionfroot's mail bag. As you know Astrid is the Obot-O-Scope astrologer. She also fields questions from the Obama Pod Nation.

*Disclaimer from me - I like Whole Foods and shop there sometimes when I am flush. But it is also irresistible short hand.



From Astrid's email bag:

Dear Astrid,

Yesterday I was in a supermarket regular people go to (I think it is called "Safe Way" or something like that...). The Whole Foods was closed so a nearby shaman named Sherman could cleanse it with burning sage after a case of Count Chocula was accidentally delivered and shelved there. Since shaman Sherman was saging because of the shelved sugary cereal I shopped surreptitiously at Safeway.

At the check out I saw a magazine with Trig Palin and her baby on the cover. She looked very sweet to me. I wonder where we - the Obama people of Light and Truth - too hard on the Palins? I felt a pang of remorse....or possibly it was Standing Restless Leg Syndrome, which I am prone to.

What is your take, Astrid?

Thanks,
Sunny "Hussein" Moonflower-Lightbringer (nee - Garland-Weinberger-Jones).


Dear Sunny,

I am so sorry to hear about your Standing Restless Leg Syndrome. The best cure for SRLS is sitting.

We had to do what we had to do - to ensure that Hope and Change would win the day. I know sometimes that meant it seemed like we did exactly what the other side had been doing for years. Character assassination. Mindless, vicious attacks and lies. Heartless rumour mongering.

But we know deep down we are better people so this was acceptable in the long run. The Universe and Obama insists we control those types like the Palins. I am sure the Palins are good people in a certain context - with their "kind". But we can't allow people who went to public school, state colleges, are married to actual Blue collar workers, became elected officials on their own, with no outside help, established spouses, or family money, and are from small American towns no one has ever heard of...to actually RUN THINGS!!!

Feel no guilt, Sunny. Remember what Guru Dohrn, who introduced our Dear Leader to Chicago society, said about guilt: "Dig it! First they killed those pigs and then they put a fork in pig Tate's belly. Wild!"

Obot-o-Scope for May 16,2009

By Astrid Passionfroot,

We, the Obama people, know we are the future and together we can do anything! Yes we can! But today, with Venus transiting past Pluto before getting a transfer to Yonkers midday, many of us will feel the need to stand out from the crowd. Go for it! When a decision arises today, instead of wondering to yourself 'What would Barrack do?' ...try something bold! Ask the question out loud! Right there at Whole Foods! For anyone to hear! Instead of shaping the kids' breakfast pancakes to look like Barrack again - try making Michelle pancakes for the family. Or Bo pancakes! Be creative. Barrack wants you to be who you are! Remember: You are the one you've been hoping to wait for the change to arrive for!

Tonight: Kick it with some friends. With mercury in retrograde and Jupiter in Stalingrad, it is a good night to stay in and play board games. Perhaps Obama-opoly. The newest version has a money printing machine!