Lunch Break - Harsh and Fun edition

Mainstream traction: Obama=Bush. Told ya so.

Foto: Something to Chewy on.
Poll Dance: Patterson is in the doghouse in NY. Cuomo leads him 70%-21% in Dem primary polling. Cuomo's Dem primary lead reminds me of Clinton's lead in places like West Virginia last Spring.
Why is no one on the Huffington/Brentwood/David Geffen Left saying:
What a bunch of backwoods bigots and retrograde racists those New York Democratic Primary Voters are!!!!

I am seriously.
- Someone needs to tell the Daily Kos and H.R. Huffington 'n stuff!!!!!
-Olbermann needs to make a Special Comment!
-John Avarosis needs to...uh...go and post something about...

how bad Hillary Clinton uh I mean Cuomo...is so...because...uh.....those upstate hicks are all haters!!!! Wah!!! Therefore...vote for..uh...the Black Guy....I was not paid off..uh...by Axelrod...uh...to become an Obama Pod....wah!!! Stop being a hater!!...I hate Hillary! Wah!!!! uh...I mean I hate Cuomo!!! wah!!! He divorced a Kennedy! And Ted Kennedy endorsed Obama! Divorce rhymes with endorse! Wah! Me and Cheetos Man and Andrew "vagina dentata fears come upon me suddenly in the night!" Sullivan are super seriously important people. Wah! I blog therefore I am! wah wah wah!

Ignorance Implants: No giant boobs for you, for, yea, you do not hate gay people enough! Go forth with your small boobs and repent! For you shall not have cleavage enough to win beauty pageants. unless you promise to make stupid, degrading, TV commercials, then I shall giveth you big knockers. Go forth in straightness and think upon these things my little flat one.

Swine Two: This Ain't over. Thanks to Jay for sending this along from the BBC. Swine Flu could hit one in three.

This also ain't over: Real estate prices are not coming back anytime soon.

Thank God for Social Security: and thank Roberta for this piece.

Music:

A reading from The Obama Scriptures for 3/12/09

A Reading From the Obama Scriptures for 3/12/09

The beginnings of the LORD'S NEW WORLD

From the Song of Pelosi.
Chapter 1.


Listen, little children, this is how the New EARTH began and the new Land called Obamamerica was borneth.

And so it came to pass in those days that the Lord spent his days in the Oval, handing out DVDs and macaroni sculptures of himself to visiting dignitaries. For The Lord knew he was all knowing and perfect, so the Lord solved all the problems of the earth at once.

On day one the Lord Obama said: Let there be more money. And he did printeth more money. And the Lord went out back to Smoketh a Camel light and said I am good. Oh so good.

On the second day the Lord Obama said: Let my friends and allies populate the land. And more money was printeth for the Lord's friends called ACORN, Fannie, and Freddie. And the Lord smoketh a Tareyton out back, pleased with his amazing skills as a leader.

On the Third DAY: The Lord said let all the people have health care and all the school they wanteth. Even the dumb ones, especially the dumb ones. And the Lord did printeth more money. And went out back for to smoketh a Virginia Slims Menthol and spend some quality time looking into small hand mirrors David Axelrod and Clair McCaskill held up for him.

On the Fourth Day the Lord did rest, for three days in a row was the most he'd ever worked. And the Lord did desire a rally for the people to loveth him. So he ordered one to be staged. Then wenteth to see The Pelosi,who washed his feet with her tears. Which were fake, as her tear ducts were sealed shut from all the botox.

The Pelosi then said: "Lord what about the banks? Have you a plan?"

And the Lord rose, stubbed out his Lucky Strike no filter and said,
"Listen little Pelosi and you shall learn. Give to Cesar Milan what is Cesar Chavez's. For the meek shall inherit the dearth. We the people have been waiting too long to change the one we have been waiting for, which is me, so answer the door and stop waiting for if you really thought you were the one you were waiting for you are a fucking idiot. The only fear we have to hope for is fearful hope. Change rhymes with strange. Listen and you shall knock. Knock and you shall hear. Hear and you shall listen. I'd rather fight than switch. Race doesn't matter, except sometime when it does. Therefore our banking system will say YES WE CAN!"

And the lord did sit.

The pelosi did weep for joy again. For the Lord did speaketh as one who knows. And she washed his feet with the last of Harry Reid's hair and soothed the Lord's face with moist towelettes from the Air Force jets she commandeered.

And so it is.

The five people Obots meet in hell.

L.R. has it on good authority that a number of the most committed Obama activists are reporting near death experiences. The phenomenon, while not widespread, has occurred in Chicago, Berkeley, and around David Geffen's pool in Malibu. Remarkably, all report the same visions while technically - albeit momentarily - dead.

Unlike the usual tunnel ending with a white light, the activists all report entering a small room decorated with Che posters. Inside the room David Axelrod and William Ayres cackle deviously while mocking an angry looking man clinging to a gun and a bible. At some point all report Axelrod saying "Welcome, please partake of some kool-aid." After sipping, a hall with 5 doors appears. The "dead" Obots are then lead down the hall. "Now you must choose where you will spend eternity." Ayres interjects "Don't look at me you capitialist pig!"

Behind each door is a tiny windowless cell containing one person. All report the same five people.

Behind door number one a bug eyed Keith Olbermann is screaming "I am the king! I am the king! I AM THE KING!" at a knee buckling decibel and without pause.

Behind door number 2, is an even tinier cell with Chris Matthews. He is naked and rubbing his flabby thighs. He invites the Obot in saying "Touch them. They tingle. Feel the tingle. Please touch me, Obama supporter."

A still smaller cell is behind the third door. In it Rev. Phleger is mock crying and saying to the Obot "Oh you entitled whitey you must atone by listening to me preach forever. Forever! Wah Wah Wah."

Inside the minuscule cell behind the fourth door Randi Rhodes is hunched over microphone booming "Come in, you fucking whore. You are a whore!!! Ha Ha!"

Finally in the smallest windowless cell of all: Joe Biden just being himself.

Once all rooms have been visited Axelrod says simply "Choose your eternal life." In all cases the Obots begin to cry and yell out "I am sorry. So sorry. I was blind but now I see", running back down the hall.

After coming to, the Obots all report being changed people. All make a commitment to living rationally, to questioning all politicians no matter how much they like them. All come to terms with reality, committing to live in it. All promise to never call a women a cunt again. And all become kool aid teetotalers.

Strange but true.