The first 2 winners of the 2008 Rappy awards (which I made up over coffee one morning) can now be announced!!! The committee of 2 (me and my laptop) gathered at a Koreatown bistro called "Denny's" recently and tabulated the votes.
The Nominees for Most Grotesque Cable News Personality:
Nancy Grace Chris Matthews Dick Morris Keith Olbermann Bill O'Reilly
And the winner is Keith Olbermann!!!!
Olbermann wins his first Rappy after a year long display of Hillary inspired mommy issue meltdowns, murder jokes about the former First Lady, and bug eyed buffoonery he likes to call "Special Comments". The manic Olbermann, who is rumoured to be the love child of Phyllis Diller and Donald Trump, enjoyed a year of unconsciously making an ass of himself at every turn while cheer leading for Obama. Congrats Keith! You are the most grotesque news anchor in the woooooooooorrrrrrrrrrllllllllllllld!!!!
Nominees for 2008 Sexist of the year:
Chris Matthews Barack Obama Keith Olbermann Randi Rhodes Andrew Sullivan
With such juicy nominees one almost hates to announce a winner. Each of these people brought sublimated sexism and/or self hatred a special zing this year. However, the winner is: Barack Obama
Barry started the year by playing a song that included the lyrics: 99 problems and the bitch ain't one at his victory party after defeating Clinton in the Iowa. This set the tone for his delicious mix of arrogance, Gangsta/Ho homages, throw the middle finger to Clinton podium stunts, unequal pay for his female staff, and charmless derision to female reporters. All the while he refused to reign in his night of the living dead, women hating cult of idiot children on the Left -lead by Ms. Arianna Huffington - great patron of resentful, disempowered women everywhere, John Avarosis, king - and queen - of barely evolved self hating homosexuals, and that Daily Kos guy who happily played host to a cavalcade of homicidal, sadistic commenters all year.Congrats Barry. Your consistent, duplicitous misogyny all year has been a marvel.
* the empty suit photo signifies the Rapture has occurred - an expression of the heavenly effect winning a coveted Rappy has on people.
Also, it's an empty suit and an empty suit, as we all now know, is the new black.
I have a few more "rappy" categories I want to get your votes on. The first 2 are entirely non-political.
Sexiest person of 2008. Please note: I am sexually objectifying people in a completely even handed way. Just because beauty has been comodified to a disgusting degree in our late capitalist society does not mean it should be ignored. These choices are in the eye of the Rappy Committee. This committee exists entirely in my head. If you don't know who a nominee is - google image, baby....whoo hoo...or add your own.
This poll is again reflective of my own interests and intellectual crushes - so add your own, if you wanna.
As I sit here is my crazed sexuality flux, I am working on my secret agenda to take over the school systems, turn all America's young boys to a gay "lifestyle" and all sweet little girls into angry bull dyker bikers.
(I wish someone would define this alleged "lifestyle". As a 4.5 on the kinsey scale, a bit of a slob, and a couch potato sports fan - I feel my "gay" lifestyle never gets any respect. Why are there no frumpy homos in pop culture!!!??? We are not all tidy fashionistas, for god sake...Not all gay men are Anderson Cooper/Elton John hybrids. That does it: I am starting a group: FUBAGS: Frumpy, Unfashionable Bi and Gay Society - of America...dot com...inc. )
I am adding this category:
See ya. Off to church and then catching up on yesterday's amazing bowl games. I really enjoy all the pomp and tradition surrounding the magicjack st. petersburg bowl...the magic...the jack...the meaningless game in front of the empty stands...the pre game parade of minor celebrities sponsored by Bennigans...the Tampa vs St. Pete Sausage Tug sponsored by Jimmy Dean and the Charlie Weis Foundation for Rotund Living - and, of course, the traditional "plugging in the new phone jack" dance performed at half time...this year by that Verizon Wireless "can you hear me now" guy...AND...wait for it....Donna Brazille!
It's hard to fathom the depths of "journalism's" amoral ass licking in 2008 but try we must. They forced fed us Obama and there was a reason. Not at all sure what the reason was. ...3 cheers for Joe Scarborough - who leaves 2 other obamapod commentators mumbling excuses and, in essence, confirming their pathological proObama bias. Plus he mocks them gleefully in the end...it is important to remember that "journalists" like these should no longer be treated with anything but wary suspicion. We cannot and should not trust them. This is beyond doubt after 2008. They are selling something at all times - but rarely have the courage to tell us what they are selling...a war...a candidate...a bailout...
So much enjoying the comments from the regulars lately. (and you lurkers - dive in! The water is....uh...wet??)
A comment from reader Marie on last night's post that is precisely on point when it comes to the increasingly loathsome Obama: Obama is not a coward - he is a passive-aggressive careerist who can't find a bus large enough to throw us all under. But here - on this site - many of us - and you,JSOM - saw what this man was and what he was selling and rejected it. Well, well, this is what slavish devotion will get you. A free ticket to the Capitol steps to hear yourself humiliated by a preacher thug who is BFF with the new Prez.Obama is a man as dangerous as W - in that he is no less driven by his ego pathologies.
A women after my own heart...
Also - after the "despicable quotes" Rappy nominations were announced reader Kara reminded me of a big oversight - the "cling to guns and religion" arrogant riff by Obama in San Francisco. There will be a special award created for easy going arrogance combined with elegant snottiness: TheArianna - sponsored by John-Roger. Guess who wins this year??!!??!!
And a comment on Caroline K. that nails it for me: The Caroline situation really feels like dropping another sexist shoe. I don't know if anyone has worked really hard for a promotion only to have the boss decide to appoint his girlfriend to the position? Anyway, that's what it feels like. yttik | 12.17.08 - 6:53 am | #
Today's "Rappy" nominees are for the most under reported scandal of 2008 and for the media outlets most notable for not reporting. It took effort to avoid reporting some of the scandals listed. We congratulate all media outlets for the artful concelament and denial that lead to such a fine group of nominees.
Today's "Rappy" catagory asks voters to project into 2009. Competition is tough. Voters are allowed to write in their own choices.
Winners will be announced during the half time show of the the AIG/FANNIE MAE/GM "Give me Free Money!" Bowl sponsored by Matthew Lesko, L.L.C. in Stateline, Nevada . This is one of many fantastic bowls (such as the majicjack St. Petersburg Bowl sponsored by Astroglide.) being held in lieu of a playoff system and a sense of fair play!!!!....Plus don't forget this - the bowls have the added attraction of utterly disregarding the public will!!! Just like Congress!!! Whoo hoo!!!
