Man oh Manny.

WTF??? Manny suspended for 50 games.

A reading from the Obama Scriptures - wandering the money desert.

A reading from the Lost Gospel of Donna the Brazilian Chapter 66, Verse 6 -

Backstory:

This gospel which was rediscovered by a biker in a drug treatment center just south of Atlanta. It was wrapped tightly in a bong, that had been squirreled away beneath a sink in the basement. Sadly the Biker smoked most of this Gospel before long time counselor "Tiny" Gonzalez could taze and sit on him. The gospel, when smoked, is reported to have caused such incredible euphoria for the biker that he has never returned to sanity, and now sits bolt upright in his room all day - completly covered by a blanket he crocheted during an America's Next Top Model marathon. When anyone approaches he says in a spooky little person voice: "Do not go into the light Carol Anne." or, in the same spooky voice, "I'm not gay if I'm on top. booooooooo" and occasionally: "Mommy please don't make me play naked air hockey with your boyfriend again tonight."

Here is all that remains of the lost Obama gospel written by Donna the Brazillian:

In came to pass in those days that the Lord Obama's money lenders had accomplished their goal.

For they had given-eth all their cash-eth for to defeat-eth the "qualified one" named Hillary.

And now they no longer cared.

And The Lord Obama's Cash Cow was sent out to be slaughtered.

And the Lord went into the Lobby where the the People of the Money lingered and said:

Why? Why have you forsaken me, money people? It is my hour of need for I have just bought a new plane for myself. To bring-eth the message of Hopey changey to all the 57 states."


The People of the Money in the Lobby said to the Lord Obama:


Wow. Dude. You think we really cared about that hopey change schtick? That was crap for the potheads in Berkeley, stupid college kids, and the rich white liberal morons in Marin County. You did not think we actually LIKED you, did you? Come on. Take a look at yourself. You're pathetic. You're not even junior law partner material yet. And that shrew you married. Yikes! She makes the crazy cat lady on the Simpsons seem like Jackie Kennedy. Barry, dude, we just needed someone to defeat the Qualified One named Hillary. So thanks. Cheers!

And they raised their Scotches in salute. Which is a great honor from the Gaseous Money Men of the Lobby. And then went back to watching Tiger Woods on the Big Screen-eth at the Country Club-eth.

Then the money people laughed at the Lord, saying to him go ask David Geffen or Arianna Huffington for an advance on your allowance. The money people LOL-ed mightily at this. And then they hacked and coughed and turned away from the Lord.

But the Lord did not leave for he was confus-eth and said:

Money people, Money people, why have you forsaken me?

One Money Person said to the Lord Obama - Shush, freak.

For the money people were watching Tiger Woods Golf-eth and the Lord was being a Pest-eth.

Yet the Lord would not leave.

So one money person asked Barry for a light.

And another asked him if he would do one of those hopey changy speeches at his daughters sweet 16 party in the Hamptons, offering him 1,000 dollars cash and a car for to pick him up at the JFK. And possibly a free night at the La Quinta just over the line in Connecticut.

And another asked him to fix some drinks.

And Barry was upset. For Donna, the beast like Brazilian, had told him that he was actually beloved by the money people.

And the Lord went out back for a smoke-eth.

And while he smoked he decided to blame the "Qualified One" for his problems. Because she was a female. and White. and it was easy to blame her.

And the Lord decided to make-eth a speech about hope and change in a foreign land near a large gate.
And the Lord decided to have Rev. Jackson say something stupid to all the land to make the Lord Obama look less Black.
And the Lord decided to flip flop many times, for this will make them love me again, he thought.

And the Lord tooketh a deep drag on his Camel Wide.
And the lord was happy. So he went to Denny's for a late night waffle.