Get the crackers back in the box!

Obama in "free fall" among white voters. The White House plans an aggressive outreach program to get these voters back. The three step program, scripted by White House aids, will unfold as follows:

- Louis Gates and Jeanane Garofalo will go door to door. Gates will ask people to step outside after which he will insult their mothers. Simultaneously, Garofalo will scream that they are "stupid racists" and periodically bite the voter's shins until they promise to support Obama again. If they refuse to profess unyielding love for Obama...

- a 3 story Keith Olbermann balloon (think Macy's parade) will inflate on their lawn and repeatedly intone:

"Little worthless working class cracker! Yes you! YOU Are the WORST person in the World! Love Obama unconditionally or I will....uh....do something really...really....mean...like not invite you on my show! You are a racist who can not think for yourself!!! Unlike me who lives on the Upper West Side , so I must be smart! I speak to black people every day! I understand the black experience because I used to report on sports! Black people play sports! Listen to me and kiss Obama's feet, little cracker people! Ah hahahahahaha. I have no issue with women! ah hahahahahaha!!!!

The Olbermann balloon is programed to continue talking for 3 days after which all the hot air is expelled through the "anus" and the balloon deflates rapidly - flying wildly though the sky and moaning "I'm relevant! I'm relevant!", "Mommy, Mommy! Please don't hate me!" and "Must blame Palin. Palin Bad!!"

- Should these tactics fail to return the white household to the Obama fold, Black Panthers with machine guns will be placed outside the house. They will harass and intimidate all who enter or leave. A cardboard cut out of Eric Holder will be placed nearby...looking away.

Obama administration officials insist their plan is sound. When asked if poll numbers among whites might be falling because of policy or competence concerns, The Widow Gibbs, responded:

"No. Obviously anyone who thinks that is just stupid. This is about race. Everything is about race. No matter what. I think I should move on to a question that isn't asked by a moron. The President is confident he can get the "crackers back in the box" - as he put it - with his speech on Wednesday. Whitey loves it when a negro man gets wound up at a podium."

When the reporter followed up asking if that statement itself might be construed as racist, Gibbs said "No! You're A racist! You're a racist!! You're a racist!!! Infinity! " and walked off, ending the press conference.