I'm Not Pregnant

by 'tamerlane"


An email from a dear friend, recently wed, contained some pleasant news: "Yes, we are expecting." This was in response to my query: "How's married life treating you - are you knocked up yet?" If my colloquialism was pedestrian, my friend's was downright quaint. Yet I much prefer hers to the current fabricated PC turn of phrase, "we're pregnant."

"We're pregnant" is silly. Yes, yes, it's a way to indicate the man's commitment and acceptance of responsibility. I get it. But "we're pregnant" strikes me as yet another pretentious attempt to talk our way into behavior. Admittedly, how we phrase things can influence perception. But this is preaching to the converted. I doubt we'll ever see Jay-Z release a song titled "Me and My Bitch Have a Shared Problem."

I have never been pregnant. Knocked up any of my partners, that is. I have, though, always quietly accepted the potential risk & consequences inherent to having sex. My approach for those special third dates is: if I'm always "prepared", then we're always prepared. Contraception is a mutual responsibility, and in a steady relationship, a mutual decision. I really appreciate that, if my partner uses oral contraception, she's taking on the inconvenience and screwed-up hormones for the both of us. I can express my appreciation without declaring, "we're on the pill!"

If one of my little swimmers ever completed its mission, by intent or accident, I'd step up to the plate. Still, while I may be half of the chromosomes, I don't face anywhere near half the consequences. Including me in the "we" of "we're pregnant" belies that lop-sided burden. I'm not the teenager with the diminished reputation, or the difficult choice. I'm not the one who'll be spending the next nine months waddling around, throwing up, etc., or the one enduring hours of labor. And, however diligent and attentive I father I may be, the children will never impact my life, on a day-to-day, hour-by-hour basis, as much their mom's.

So, could we please stop saying "we're pregnant"? It's technically inaccurate, and while aiming to underscore one sentiment, obscures other important points. For a welcomed pregnancy, what's wrong with "we're expecting?" It neatly expresses the joint investment of both parents, along with their joyful anticipation.

(c) 2009 by 'tamerlane'. All rights reserved.