Obama speaks to Human Rights Campaign Dinner

By Liberal Rapture correspondent ANonOMouse.

Less than 24 hours after being awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, President Barack Obama addressed a large gathering of gay activists at a fundraiser for the Human Rights Campaign held in Washington D.C. and spoke briefly on the issue of gay rights.

President Obama, with the assistance of the overhead crane operator who holds his swollen head upright, first addressed the issue of Don't ask, Don't tell and promised those in attendance "Don't worry, Be Happy, because soon I will set you free. No one wants you to go to war and fight and even die, more than I and eventually, someday, I will make sure that you can do just that without having to hide your queerness. I have no timetable for accomplishing this feat, but I don't work well when there are expectations or goals. So, my best advice to those of you currently serving in our military is, just keep quiet, good things are a comin. And, if you should die in service to your country in the interim, just know this, I sort of cared!"

As those in attendance pressed for some answers on when the administration would act to overturn DOMA, as promised by President Obama during his campaign, Obama would only say this "Ask not how long you must wait to be treated like other human beings, ask what you can do for me, Obama, Mmmmm, mmmmmm, mmmmm! I know you want the FREEDOM to marry your partners, but as long as marriage is between one man and one woman, my hands are tied. I have directed my Attorney General, Eric Holdit, to review the constitutionality of DOMA and I asked Eric to have a full report on my Big Old Oval Office desk no later than the 12th of never. I know that seems like a long, long time, but I'll still be here even if you're not"

After the event HRC president, Joel SalmonCroquet, spoke to reporters and said, "I just love President Obama, especially his big Swollen Head. We shall overcome, Someday."

Representative Barney "bulbous" Frankfurter, who came late to the event, spoke briefly to reporters on the subject of gay rights saying,
"this really doesn't concern me, I've got mine and even some of yours, so quit marching queeers because everytime you march, you make me look like an ingrate, you stupid commoners".