The truth or something like it.

Well, it is worse than most thought. The economy that is. It is an odd thing being a doomer. It was much more fun when things were about to fail apart - than it is now that things are falling apart. The rat a tat tat of economic doom is wearing me out. For most us - that is those who are not on Wall Street, or in the "think tanks", this period feels like we are in a well furnished, comfortable room and that walls are inching in. Sorry for the exhausted metaphor. It's all I have right now. The room is still comfortable. In fact, it is a little hard to believe danger is so close. But we all know the walls are closing in.

Admittedly, Obama can't win with me. If he's too far Right I call him out. He submits a spending bill - which I should, given my bent, embrace. But it is oddly - too timid. If you're going to cause high inflation, I at least want a job out of it. Nothing done would have been better.

Then he submits a budget that contains programs, elements and impulses I like. It is a "liberal" budget in many ways. (At least as far as I can tell.) Yet, I am left with this: It is a foolish budget for 2009. It is the budget I wish Clinton had submitted in 1997, when things were humming, and he'd returned us to surpluses.

Sadly, it is not 1997. Not even close. It is 2009 and things are bad. Worse than bad, they are rotten. Warren Buffett's mea culpa last week drives the last nail into it. At least for me.

Here is my wish: A leader would come forth knowing and saying that the crash has come. That any pretense that we can return to the 90s or the 50s is now is off the table. A leader willing to say the party is absolutely, completely, 100% over. And then - and only then - speak of hope, and a willingness to see us to the other shore. A leader willing to say- we will be different. We will contract. There will be pain. The expectations routinely fed us by American politicians are false. The American way of life is negotiable. It is being renegotiated right now - by others. We must take back our power but that power can only be based in the truth.

Instead we, with increasing desperation, convince ourselves that this stimulus, or that budget will save us. It won't. At a certain point an alcoholic can control or enjoy his drinking. Not both. If he controls it he does not enjoy it, if he enjoys it he's out of control. My sense is that this is where we are as a nation. We can either control our way of life or we can enjoy it. Not both. Mr. Obama seems determined to insist that we can do both. We will be responsible AND spend money that does not exist. We can inflate this balloon one more time. Sorry again for putting the metaphors in the blender.

Or we can look for another paradigm. I do not have a good one handy. My hunch is the best choice is to relearn what it is a republic looks like. ( This can only start if all elections are publicly financed. Even if a rich person runs.)

We've borrowed our "way of life" since at least 1970. It must end. It is ending. Knowing this is hopeful. I know of no one who cannot live with less. No one. Poverty once defined in this nation by hunger - is now defined by type 2 diabetes. I am for raising taxes on the richest. But not to fund programs that are fast becoming ridiculous.

I know, I know, Obama did say some things about responsibility last Tuesday. But, as he always does, he contradicted himself 2 days later with a budget that stinks of fantasy and delusion. He's the contradiction President. The Great Contradictor. I also know he'd have to ditch most of his campaign promises - and would have gotten endless grief for it, here and elsewhere. But imagine if Obama had spoke about austerity and responsibility on Tuesday and then presented a budget that was responsible and austere on Thursday. That would have been leadership.

As I said, I own that he probably can't win with me. Still, things are moving rapidly.

Liberals won't wake up from their delusions that we can be back in 1997 and spend, spend, spend on programs. A health care system that leaves 40 million (soon to be 50) uninsured does not work. Period. No one wants national health care more than me. I make no apologies for it. The systems in Canada and the UK are not perfect but they are better. I just do not see how this overtly liberal budget from Obama can work in 2009. There are elements that are so far Left that I can only assume he intends to negotiate them away.

Conversely, Conservatives fetishize the "free" market relentlessly. Since 2000 the "free" market has been borrowed. And it has not been free. Conservatives need to own up to this. Borrowing our wealth on the backs of off shored workers, our children, and from the Chinese - is hardly a good system.

A pox on both their houses. I want someone to look me in the eye and tell the truth or something like it. I don't want to be cajoled, massaged, manipulated, or ignored as decisions that affect me are made. Orlov landed it by comparing Obama to Gorbachev. The result was the end of Communist statism. But it has been replaced by 20 years of mob rule. Literally. Americans won't suffer that. We are not made of the same stuff. We'll fight and then break apart.

Yet, it is where we are headed. High government expectations lead by a charismatic, new leader. Followed severe breakdown after the government is shown to be utterly unable to deliver. All because no one said "We're in a whopper of a fix and we must really change, not pretend to."

I could handle that. Most of us could. The saddest thing of all: I believe a woman could deliver the bracing message, and we'd hear it. Call it sexist. Maybe it is. The real chance for change in 2008 was blown.