A reading from the Obama Scriptures - The 10 Obamaments.

The Ten Obamaments

From the 2nd Book of Rezko

chapter 66
verse 6

And Lord Obama came from under the bus
where he had just thrown another advisor
and said to Axelrod -
Get the little magic writing box we call a Blackberry
I want to send a text-eth to the world.
I have ten new rules everyone must live by.

and Axelrod said -
Yes, Lord, I am ready. what are the new rules?

Then the Lord put many napkins from Applebee's and
Chick-fil-A and Kenny Rogers Roasters
across the TV tray in front of him.
For he had jotted his new rules down on napkins
with crayons.
and those stubby pencils you play keno with.

And the Lord Obama gave these comands to the world:

1: You shall have no other gods before me, O BOM AH.

2: You shall make for yourself a graven image of me, and place it on a chair at your breakfast table and serve it a waffle. And it shall have a string and when you pull the string it will say "Just let me eat my waffle. I just want to eat my waffle right now" and sometimes "You're likable enough, sweetie."

3: You shall not take the name of the Lord Obama, your God, in a truthful manner. Sing my name in vain praises and pointless, mindless glee all you like. Also, don't cuss me.It hurts my feelings.

4: Remember to never say my middle name. Which I am changing to John-bobby-fitzgerald-kennedy-martin-gandhi-kobe-jay-z-eleanorroosevelt-jefferson-jones

as soon as I find my birth certificate.

5: Honor my father and my mother and Michelle, and Scarlett Johansson. But not that one white grandma.

6: You shall not murder. Feel free to lie, disrupt, hack, spam, harass, insult, degrade, launder money, have contributors buy you land, be a sexist pig, call other decent Americans 'fucking whores' and distort my tiny record to make it seem like I've actually done something.

7: You shall not commit adultery without a note from Michelle. Nor shall you act like an adult.

8: You shall not steal delegates from me. I, however, can take your delegates at will.

9: You shall not bear truthful witness about me. If you do I will ram one of Keith Olbermann's Special Comments up your cracker ass.

10: You shall not covet your neighbor's house, I get first dibs. Also- always have some Camel Filters on hand so I can bum a smoketh.

The Word of the Lord.